| I totally agree with the opinions that God is not religion. I have issues with organised religion/churches. I grew up going to church, a church that ended up not being there when I saught guidance and prayer but who never failed to pass a plate by me. I don't believe that is the same as God tho.
I have some issues with him too tho. Hmmm who is he to me? Well I believe that he is good. I like that PP who said he walks beside me and catches me when I fall. I feel like that, he is that to me. I also believe that he did give us free will to make choices. I think as far as the suicide thing goes that some people do suffer from mental illness and when that happens sometimes maybe they misuse their free will. But not everyone who tries to commit suicide succedes. I wonder if God is involved at all could he be sparing those that are just in TOO much pain here? Could that be one of his ways of not letting them take on more than they can handle? I don't know. My uncle committed suicicide. My mother has tried more times than I can count and she is here today. I don't know the difference but I wonder about it and I think God may be involved somehow.
Another way that I am conflicted and confussed about God is in regard to my angels. On the one hand I hope and pray everyday that they are with God and he is caring for them and loving them until I come home. On the other hand I wonder *why* they had to go? That part of me can be angry sometimes. Because of that conflict I felt distant from God for quite a while. The first time I returned to a church (to have Dani baptised) was really hard. I felt on the brink of tears most of the time I was there. I think it was because I had missed him and it was hard to try to find resolution and to tell him I was angry. I wanted my babies here with me. Then I prayed and talked to him honestly for thee first time in a while. I think that it is just part of his plan that I don't understand yet. And that it is not my job to understand but to go on and live and love my family and to love God.
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aka Midnight Dancer  |