Jealousy is one of the toughest feelings we come up against in our lives. There is not much worse than this aching sense that somehow life has been unfair to us, while amply rewarding someone else. It’s even worse if that someone else is present in our daily lives, making it difficult for us to get the space we need to feel and heal our pain. We may be jealous of a sibling, a dear friend, or even famous personalities. We may even face the challenge of feeling jealous of our spouse, our child, or one of our parents. Whatever the case, we can normalize our experience by understanding that, as painful as it is, jealousy is a common human feeling.
Nevertheless, it is important that we not revel in our jealousy for too long, feeding it with inner talk or gossip with others. If we do, we run the risk of losing ourselves to its negative power. Jealousy has something good to offer us, though, and that is information about our own heart’s desire. When we are jealous of certain people, we want what they have, and if we are to be conscious, we must acknowledge that. In this way, we discover what we want for ourselves, which is the first step to getting it. It may be a certain kind of relationship or a career. Whatever it is, it is possible that we could create it for ourselves, in our own lives, if we are able to honor our own desires.
Of course, there are times when we cannot heal our jealousy in this way, and then the lesson may be about acceptance and the understanding that our path is different from the paths of those around us. It may be hard to see now, but perhaps it will eventually be clear why our life has taken its particular path. In the end, the best cure for jealousy is the recognition that the life we have is full of its own meaning and beauty, utterly unique to us—a gift that could never be found in the life of another.
If I feel this way I remind myself that having isn't always as good as wanting something and that people may have had to trade something for what looks good that I wouldn't want to trade. Yep, the medical career looks great, but for me it would have meant not marrying or at least not having my children, so I will keep my life as it is, for example.
I try to see the positives in what I have and have done instead of dwelling on what ifs or why not. I mean to me it isn't as much why not me as it is why me and not them. I can't really say it should be me instead of someone, so I focus on what I do have.
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As the saying goes, when a door slams shut in one place a window opens somewhere else. After staring at the door for many years, it finally occured to me to go look for the open window. I discovered I like sunlight and warmth much more than peeling old doors anyway, so I climbed out the window and reveled in my discovery. I will never sit behind a closed door again, no matter how comfortable my chair becomes. Me
Mel, I'm glad you found your own open window and stepped through it.
I was going to comment on this yesterday but life got in the way. LOL
I have a huge issue with jealousy. I've never thought about using jealousy to my advantage to figure out what I really want. My biggest issue is that I'm jealous of anyone who isn't having financial problems....I feel like if we have to be screwed why can't everyone else....I guess this means I want to not have to worry about shut off notices and 'You're late' statements from the bank.
HP, we all have unfair crosses to bear... financial, work, home, etc. If you begrudge someone for what they do have, that comes back on you.
I am grateful for everything in my life, and happy for others who have found their happiness. I have plenty of not-so-great issues, as well, and I'm plugging along so that I can learn from them. It beats sitting in that hole of sadness, ya know?
I feel like if we have to be screwed why can't everyone else
we're only screwed if we screw ourselves; you don't "have to be screwed" (you're only as screwed as you allow yourself to be). i don't mean that in a harsh way at all- every situation is a chance to widen perspective and grow, even if the circumstances are tough. the next time you hear of another person's good fortune, take a second and really feel happy for them. when you do that, you'll be raising your own vibration; then you can look for more opportunities to do the same, because it feels good.
I've never had a lot of time for jealousy. I guess b/c I have lived in a wide range of financial and emotional situations - it just has always seemed to me like no matter where I am, there's always someone in a worse place. Who am I to whine about what I don't have, when there are people out there who would kill for what I do have? Even the homeless guy on the street who is content with what he has, has something better than the millionaire sitting in the mansion who is alone and miserable. At the end of the day (IMO), the richest people are those with love, hope and the determination to achieve their own definition of success.
__________________ At the end of the day, I am never the same person I was when I woke up.
Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others. ~ Buddha
The way I look at it though after times of not having and times of having is that yes, it sucks I might not have something, but seriously, do we ever know what people traded to get what they have? The people who look "rich" and have big homes and get bills paid may be miserable or paying those debts with credit cards that are almost maxxed out. They may have spouses/children who hate them, get bitten by a rabid raccoon on the way across their huge estate and die in agony alone, or simply never see a day of happiness or their child's eyes smiling up at them.
Okay, maybe some are pretty happy and all, but still, if I had what they have I would have had to not have my children, my DH, my own soul...your path is your own path, and it can be different by how you see it. I agree it SUCKS to worry about things being turned off, and I am not saying relish that at all...just saying something I ask you to consider.
Take a glass and fill it half full of water. Just consider it and think about what you see.
You can choose to see it as half empty and your whole day will be half empty.
You can see it as half full and that is better...but your day is still half empty.
You can see the glass as brimming over and full! Yep, it actually is! You see the half with water in it, but you can't see the half with air in it. Air??? Yes, you need the water to live and you see it and are reassured you have it, but you also need the air to breathe and live. Just because you can't see it all around you doesn't mean the air isn't essential to your life and present all the time. Your glass is full, but since you can't see half the contents it is easy to assume they aren't there and mourn that you only have half a glass. Sometimes we dont' see the things around us that are as important as the things we would like to have, and as long as there is life there is hope of some sort or other.
Just something to consider...you also have things others might wish they had, and this time in your life doesn't dictate what the rest of it will be. If you get in the habit of seeing the air in your glass you can get through hard times a little better and see options you couldn't before. Maybe the guy with the money worked through years of school and has years of school bills to pay...but in my view if he did the work and put in the time he should get his fair rewards...I didn't do what he did, so there isn't any reason I can see that I should get the rewards he is getting. Nope, life isn't fair...I have a place to live, kids, a DH who loves me, and that is a heck of a lot more than a lot of people, despite our windows half falling out and so many other things going on. Some have less and some have more...it will always be like that no matter what we have in our lives.
You have no idea how any of us got to this place in our lives either, and seeing only what others have means you aren't opening your heart to see how we got here, kwim? I have been homeless, starving, in pain, scared, sick, abused, exhausted, poor, and a host of other things that half or more of the people in the world have been too, but it doesn't mean I always have to be, and it doesn't mean I would want another person to feel the pain I have felt...it is part of who I am and I learned from it (hopefully), and I came out stronger and hopefully wiser because of it, not despite all the nasty stuff I have lived through. It took me a long time to see that, and you are young and have so much time ahead of you to figure out who you want to be and what path will get you there.
You aren't alone, and I am not fussing at you or telling you not to be upset you have troubles...not at all! Just saying your outlook makes a huge difference in where you end up in life and how you see yourself and the world around you along the way and at the end. I am so glad you are at HM, and you aren't alone.
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As the saying goes, when a door slams shut in one place a window opens somewhere else. After staring at the door for many years, it finally occured to me to go look for the open window. I discovered I like sunlight and warmth much more than peeling old doors anyway, so I climbed out the window and reveled in my discovery. I will never sit behind a closed door again, no matter how comfortable my chair becomes. Me
Mel, I'm glad you found your own open window and stepped through it.
however, i think some of you took my comment wrong or something... i wasn't complaining just commenting about how jealousy has worked in my life and how this article is a wonderful way to change how jealousy works, the idea is not to ignore or let jealousy root it's way in, just to use that feeling and emotion in a different way.
Cool then, HP! You have a good insight into the role it has played in your life, and you already are working on it.
__________________
As the saying goes, when a door slams shut in one place a window opens somewhere else. After staring at the door for many years, it finally occured to me to go look for the open window. I discovered I like sunlight and warmth much more than peeling old doors anyway, so I climbed out the window and reveled in my discovery. I will never sit behind a closed door again, no matter how comfortable my chair becomes. Me
Mel, I'm glad you found your own open window and stepped through it.
If I feel this way I remind myself that having isn't always as good as wanting something and that people may have had to trade something for what looks good that I wouldn't want to trade. Yep, the medical career looks great, but for me it would have meant not marrying or at least not having my children, so I will keep my life as it is, for example.
), and I came out stronger and hopefully wiser because of it, not despite all the nasty stuff I have lived through. It took me a long time to see that, and you are young and have so much time ahead of you to figure out who you want to be and what path will get you there.
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